Euphoric and dysphoric phases in marriage

Despite all the fashionable theories of marriage, the narratives and the feminists, the reasons to get married largely remain the same. True, there have been role reversals and new stereotypes have cropped up. But biological, physiological and biochemical facts are less amenable to modern criticisms of culture. Men are still men and women are still women.

Men and women marry to form:

The Sexual Dyad - Intended to gratify the partners' sexual attraction and secures a stable, consistent and available source of sexual gratification.

The Economic Dyad - The couple is a functioning economic unit within which the economic activities of the members of the dyad and of additional entrants are carried out. The economic unit generates more wealth than it consumes and the synergy between its members is likely to lead to gains in production and in productivity relative to individual efforts and investments.

The Social Dyad - The members of the couple bond as a result of implicit or explicit, direct, or indirect social pressures. Such pressure can manifest itself in numerous forms. In Judaism, a person cannot hold some religious posts unless he is married. This is a form of economic pressure.

In most human societies, avowed bachelors are considered to be socially deviant and abnormal. They are condemned by society, ridiculed, shunned and isolated, effectively ex-communicated. Partly to avoid these sanctions and partly to enjoy the emotional glow that comes with conformity and acceptance, couples get married.

Today, a myriad lifestyles are on offer. The old fashioned, nuclear family is one of many variants. Children are reared by single parents. Homosexual couples bind and abound. But a pattern is discernible all the same: almost 95% of the adult population get married ultimately. They settle into a two-member arrangement, whether formalized and sanctioned religiously or legally - or not.

The Companionship Dyad - Formed by adults in search of sources of long-term and stable support, emotional warmth, empathy, care, good advice and intimacy. The members of these couples tend to define themselves as each other's best friends.

Folk wisdom tells us that the first three dyads are unstable.

Sexual attraction wanes and is replaced by sexual attrition in most cases. This could lead to the adoption of non-conventional sexual behavior patterns (sexual abstinence, group sex, couple swapping, etc.) - or to recurrent marital infidelity.

Pecuniary concerns are insufficient grounds for a lasting relationship, either. In today's world, both partners are potentially financially independent. This new found autonomy gnaws at the roots of traditional patriarchal-domineering-disciplinarian relationships. Marriage is becoming a more balanced, business like, arrangement with children and the couple's welfare and life standard as its products.

Thus, marriages motivated solely by economic considerations are as likely to unravel as any other joint venture. Admittedly, social pressures help maintain family cohesiveness and stability. But - being thus enforced from the outside - such marriages resemble detention rather than a voluntary, joyful collaboration.

Moreover, social norms, peer pressure, and social conformity cannot be relied upon to fulfill the roles of stabilizer and shock absorber indefinitely. Norms change and peer pressure can backfire ("If all my friends are divorced and apparently content, why shouldn't I try it, too ?").

Only the companionship dyad seems to be durable. Friendships deepen with time. While sex loses its initial, biochemically-induced, luster, economic motives are reversed or voided, and social norms are fickle - companionship, like wine, improves with time.

Even when planted on the most desolate land, under the most difficult and insidious circumstances, the obdurate seed of companionship sprouts and blossoms.

"Matchmaking is made in heaven" goes the old Jewish adage but Jewish matchmakers in centuries past were not averse to lending the divine a hand. After closely scrutinizing the background of both candidates - male and female - a marriage was pronounced. In other cultures, marriages are still being arranged by prospective or actual fathers without asking for the embryos or the toddlers' consent.

The surprising fact is that arranged marriages last much longer than those which are the happy outcomes of romantic love. Moreover: the longer a couple cohabitates prior to their marriage, the higher the likelihood of divorce. Counterintuitively, romantic love and cohabitation ("getting to know each other better") are negative precursors and predictors of marital longevity.

Companionship grows out of friction and interaction within an irreversible formal arrangement (no "escape clauses"). In many marriages where divorce is not an option (legally, or due to prohibitive economic or social costs), companionship grudgingly develops and with it contentment, if not happiness.

Companionship is the offspring of pity and empathy. It is based on and shared events and fears and common suffering. It reflects the wish to protect and to shield each other from the hardships of life. It is habit forming. If lustful sex is fire - companionship is old slippers: comfortable, static, useful, warm, secure.

Experiments and experience show that people in constant touch get attached to one another very quickly and very thoroughly. This is a reflex that has to do with survival. As infants, we get attached to other mothers and our mothers get attached to us. In the absence of social interactions, we die younger. We need to bond and to make others depend on us in order to survive.

The mating (and, later, marital) cycle is full of euphorias and dysphorias. These "mood swings" generate the dynamics of seeking mates, copulating, coupling (marrying) and reproducing.

The source of these changing dispositions can be found in the meaning that we attach to marriage which is perceived as the real, irrevocable, irreversible and serious entry into adult society. Previous rites of passage (like the Jewish Bar Mitzvah, the Christian Communion and more exotic rites elsewhere) prepare us only partially to the shocking realization that we are about to emulate our parents.

During the first years of our lives, we tend to view our parents as omnipotent, omniscient, and omnipresent demigods. Our perception of them, of ourselves and of the world is magical. All entities - ourselves and our caregivers included - are entangled, constantly interacting, and identity interchanging ("shape shifting").

At first, therefore, our parents are idealized. Then, as we get disillusioned, they are internalized to become the first and most important among the inner voices that guide our lives. As we grow up (adolescence) we rebel against our parents (in the final phases of identity formation) and then learn to accept them and to resort to them in times of need.

But the primordial gods of our infancy never die, nor do they lie dormant. They lurk in our superego, engaged in incessant dialogue with the other structures of our personality. They constantly criticize and analyze, make suggestions and reproach. The hiss of these voices is the background radiation of our personal big bang.

Thus, to decide to get married (to imitate our parents), is to challenge and tempt the gods, to commit sacrilege, to negate the very existence of our progenitors, to defile the inner sanctum of our formative years. This is a rebellion so momentous, so all encompassing, that it touches upon the very foundation of our personality.

Inevitably, we (unconsciously) shudder in anticipation of the imminent and, no doubt, horrible punishment that awaits us for this iconoclastic presumptuousness. This is the first dysphoria, which accompanies our mental preparations prior to getting wed. Getting ready to get hitched carries a price tag: the activation of a host of primitive and hitherto dormant defence mechanisms - denial, regression, repression, projection.

This self-induced panic is the result of an inner conflict. On the one hand, we know that it is unhealthy to live as recluses (both biologically and psychologically). With the passage of time, we are urgently propelled to find a mate. On the other hand, there is the above-described feeling of impending doom.

Having overcome the initial anxiety, having triumphed over our inner tyrants (or guides, depending on the character of the primary objects, their parents), we go through a short euphoric phase, celebrating their rediscovered individuation and separation. Reinvigorated, we feel ready to court and woo prospective mates.

But our conflicts are never really put to rest. They merely lie dormant.

Married life is a terrifying rite of passage. Many react to it by limiting themselves to familiar, knee-jerk behavior patterns and reactions and by ignoring or dimming their true emotions. Gradually, these marriages are hollowed out and wither.

Some seek solace in resorting to other frames of reference - the terra cognita of one's neighbourhood, country, language, race, culture, language, background, profession, social stratum, or education. Belonging to these groups imbues them with feelings of security and firmness.

Many combine both solutions. More than 80% of marriages take place among members of the same social class, profession, race, creed and breed. This is not a chance statistic. It reflects choices, conscious and (more often) unconscious.

The next anti-climatic dysphoric phase transpires when our attempts to secure (the consent of) a mate are met with success. Daydreaming is easier and more gratifying than the dreariness of realized goals. Mundane routine is the enemy of love and of optimism. Where dreams end, harsh reality intrudes with its uncompromising demands.

Securing the consent of one's future spouse forces one to tread an irreversible and increasingly challenging path. One's imminent marriage requires not only emotional investment - but also economic and social ones. Many people fear commitment and feel trapped, shackled, or even threatened. Marriage suddenly seems like a dead end. Even those eager to get married entertain occasional and nagging doubts.

The strength of these negative emotions depends, to a very large extent, on the parental role models and on the kind of family life experienced. The more dysfunctional the family of origin - the earlier (and usually only) available example - the more overpowering the sense of entrapment and the resulting paranoia and backlash.

But most people overcome this stage fright and proceed to formalize their relationship by getting married. This decision, this leap of faith is the corridor which leads to the palatial hall of post-nuptial euphoria.

This time the euphoria is mostly a social reaction. The newly conferred status (of "just married") bears a cornucopia of social rewards and incentives, some of them enshrined in legislation. Economic benefits, social approval, familial support, the envious reactions of others, the expectations and joys of marriage (freely available sex, having children, lack of parental or societal control, newly experienced freedoms) foster another magical bout of feeling omnipotent.

It feels good and empowering to control one's newfound "lebensraum", one's spouse, and one's life. It fosters self-confidence, self esteem and helps regulate one's sense of self-worth. It is a manic phase. Everything seems possible, now that one is left to one's own devices and is supported by one's mate.

With luck and the right partner, this frame of mind can be prolonged. However, as life's disappointments accumulate, obstacles mount, the possible sorted out from the improbable and time passes inexorably, this euphoria abates. The reserves of energy and determination dwindle. Gradually, one slides into an all-pervasive dysphoric (even anhedonic or depressed) mood.

The routines of life, its mundane attributes, the contrast between fantasy and reality, erode the first burst of exuberance. Life looks more like a life sentence. This anxiety sours the relationship. One tends to blame one's spouse for one's atrophy. People with alloplastic defenses (external locus of control) blame others for their defeats and failures.

Thoughts of breaking free, of going back to the parental nest, of revoking the marriage become more frequent. It is, at the same time, a frightening and exhilarating prospect. Again, panic sets it. Conflict rears its ugly head. Cognitive dissonance abounds. Inner turmoil leads to irresponsible, self-defeating and self-destructive behaviors. A lot of marriages end here in what is known as the "seven year itch".

Next awaits parenthood. Many marriages survive only because of the presence of common offspring.

One cannot become a parent unless and until one eradicates the internal traces of one's own parents. This necessary patricide and unavoidable matricide are painful and cause great trepidation. But the completion of this crucial phase is rewarding all the same and it leads to feelings of renewed vigor, new-found optimism, a sensation of omnipotence and the reawakening of other traces of magical thinking.

In the quest for an outlet, a way to relieve anxiety and boredom, both members of the couple (providing they still possess the wish to "save" the marriage) hit upon the same idea but from different directions.

The woman (partly because of social and cultural conditioning during the socialization process) finds bringing children to the world an attractive and efficient way of securing the bond, cementing the relationship and transforming it into a long-term commitment. Pregnancy, childbirth, and motherhood are perceived as the ultimate manifestations of her femininity.

The male reaction to childrearing is more compounded. At first, he perceives the child (at least unconsciously) as another restraint, likely to only "drag him deeper" into the quagmire. His dysphoria deepens and matures into full-fledged panic. It then subsides and gives way to a sense of awe and wonder. A psychedelic feeling of being part parent (to the child) and part child (to his own parents) ensues. The birth of the child and his first stages of development only serve to entrench this "time warp" impression.

Raising children is a difficult task. It is time and energy consuming. It is emotionally taxing. It denies the parent his or her privacy, intimacy, and needs. The newborn represents a full-blown traumatic crisis with potentially devastating consequences. The strain on the relationship is enormous. It either completely break down - or is revived by the novel challenges and hardships.

An euphoric period of collaboration and reciprocity, of mutual support and increasing love follows. Everything else pales besides the little miracle. The child becomes the centre of narcissistic projections, hopes and fears. So much is vested and invested in the infant and, initially, the child gives so much in return that it blots away the daily problems, tedious routines, failures, disappointments and aggravations of every normal relationship.

But the child's role is temporary. The more autonomous s/he becomes, the more knowledgeable, the less innocent - the less rewarding and the more frustrating s/he is. As toddlers become adolescents, many couples fall apart, their members having grown apart, developed separately and are estranged.

The stage is set for the next major dysphoria: the midlife crisis.

This, essentially, is a crisis of reckoning, of inventory taking, a disillusionment, the realization of one's mortality. We look back to find how little we had accomplished, how short the time we have left, how unrealistic our expectations have been, how alienated we have become, how ill-equipped we are to cope, and how irrelevant and unhelpful our marriages are.

To the disenchanted midlifer, his life is a fake, a Potemkin village, a facade behind which rot and corruption have consumed his vitality. This seems to be the last chance to recover lost ground, to strike one more time. Invigorated by other people's youth (a young lover, one's students or colleagues, one's own children), one tries to recreate one's life in a vain attempt to make amends, and to avoid the same mistakes.

This crisis is exacerbated by the "empty nest" syndrome (as children grow up and leave the parents' home). A major topic of consensus and a catalyst of interaction thus disappears. The vacuity of the relationship engendered by the termites of a thousand marital discords is revealed.

This hollowness can be filled with empathy and mutual support. It rarely is, however. Most couples discover that they lost faith in their powers of rejuvenation and that their togetherness is buried under a mountain of grudges, regrets and sorrows.

They both want out. And out they go. The majority of those who do remain married, revert to cohabitation rather than to love, to co-existence rather to experimentation, to arrangements of convenience rather to an emotional revival. It is a sad sight. As biological decay sets in, the couple heads into the ultimate dysphoria: ageing and death.

Save your marriage before it s too late

Everyone wants to have a happy marriage. A happy marriage is one of the finest things life can offer. But after some time different kinds of problems appear in our life. It is true that many people give up on a marriage too soon, and too many marriages end up being weighted down by unresolved difficulties.

What happens if none of those things from the beginning of your relationship are happening any more such as: the little favors nowadays, cook your favorite meal, buy you something special; those little things that showed you she cares about you. Knowing that you may be losing the person you love is hard on anyone. Like most people in your situation you are probably feeling scared and confused, not knowing what to do next. If you feel that your marriage is crisis, don't show your partner that you're panicking; try to keep calm and in control your emotions.

Both of you need to remember that no matter how bleak things seem, it is possible for many marriages to get back on course, but both husband and wife should be willing to cooperate. The important thing is to stay calm and to know what to avoid and what to aim for to make relationship work. You can save your marriage even if your partner wants a separation, she asks for divorce, or doesn't love you anymore. But to stop divorce you need to avoid doing what hurts your relationship, knowing that there's always a hope to save your marriage.

Jealousy is one of the reasons why most people get divorce, but is not the only one. If she caught you with infidelity and that's why she wants to get divorce, the hardest thing you will need to do is to rebuild trust in your relationship: always be on time home, do what you say you do and be honest. Also, never lie to your spouse again, communicate clearly all the time, take time to reassure your spouse if she feels insecure, show her affection on regular basis and also be patient with her.

As I said there are many other reasons why people get divorce. This is usually a big mistake so try first to do all the sacrifices that are necessary to save your marriage.

-first and the most important is to identify your problems; take an honest look at the relationship and determine what the problems are; truly express what is disturbing you in, as much details as possible; look for solutions rather that blaming your partner

-if you are guilty for this situation, show her your companion, respect and affection; everyday remind her how much you love her and put meaning from the heart into those words

-start doing things that were usually done when both were still in loved and married

-express your feelings, communicate your feelings honestly and openly as you can

-establish open dialog and begin to compromise and heal; discuss about your feelings and come to an agreement about what you feel the relationship needs

-also you have to learn to listen as well; the things that are brought up should be treated as guides so that the couple will learn how to respect each other's feelings and points of view; she may talk about what she is feeling regarding the relationship

-you have to work hard to understand and change what is bothering your partner in the relationship; even if she still loves you, she may see some persistent problems in you, and that's why she may have lost hope for the relationship because of them; you have to understand better your partner's perception of these problems

-if you are getting stale on your sex life, talk to each other, spend more time alone just the two of you, go on a vacation

-open yourself to the fact that any issue can be understood and interpreted in a variety of ways, otherwise you will continue to stay in a rut

-think about the ways you contribute to the situation

-learn to internalize and understand that your partner is not you; both have to find ways to empathize with the other's point of view

-appreciate the value of the other's experience in the way that is different than yours

-don't allow old negative behavior patterns to swamp the present moment

-learn to forgive and forget; learn to forget anything and accept one another; bringing up the past will not save the marriage; one must learn to forgive the spouse and forget all the mistakes from the past

-seek both for a solution; remember that you are two different people; is not about who is wining here, it's about respect, intimacy, growth and emergence

-set goals to work as a couple, such as: to communicate without arguing, to attempt to do things as a couple, to find an end to your problems, and also write down your feelings and allow the other to read them

-last but not at least, be patient; your marital problems did not crop up overnight and they will not be healed overnight; discuss all the emotions that you both feel until you are centered and ready to begin anew

So, if you have some problems in your marriage, wait first to see if that marriage can be saved, don't be hurry to get divorced. Always have to think positive, that there is a hope to save your marriage no matter how many problems appear in your life. And remember that to have lasting satisfaction you need to know how to keep love and good feelings alive.

Marriage an economic perspective

February 15th, 2006

by Elif Ozdemir

Is there a correlation between marriage and business trade?

When all's been said and done after February 14, what is most in the minds of people smitten by love is "What could be the next best thing?" For any man, after months and months of extravagant spending and nagging from his significant other, the ultimate end of dating has to be realized, if not immediately in the near future. It's high time to talk marriage, since entering a relationship is like doing business. Every one has to make risks. Every one has to make an investment. It should be considered that economists run after investments that are tangible. Economists can never measure emotional investment.

So why do people marry? It's been a phenomenon in western societies for couples to live in together without the benefit of saying "I do." What's the underlying economic reason behind marriage?

A research by professors from Ohio State University queried some 9,000 people from the baby boom generation (those who are fifty years of age up) about the economic aspects and advantages of marrying. The study found out that marriage gives an overall positive effect on an individual's social and income status compared to someone who's living a single life. For example, a married individual experiences an increase in personal wealth. This data can also be interpreted in another way. Why? Because when one marries, one's income and property also becomes the income and property of his or her partner. That is one advantage of facing the altar. Marriage law binds a man and woman as husband and wife like no other. Think. What could be the details that Hollywood stars scuttle over during the dissolution of their marriage?

When they do get hitched, couples have more to look forward to economically speaking. The rate for residential property rises every year as more and more people move from the rural areas to urban centers. It is expected that the cost for basic necessities like food and clothing will also increase. And when the marriage produces an offspring or more, the expenditures will climb threefold. Serious cases of dalliances with other people were not included in the study.

The other thing that the research tells is that the economic benefits of marriage are higher for a person marrying a "winner," meaning the partner is not necessarily rich but very able. That is a contrast for someone who marries someone who didn't finish high school or has some form of disability.

What about a bachelor party in europe

A strange phenomena seems to be travelling through the ranks of the fresh faced American ‘soon to be married' Bachelors. They seem to be catching party fever for their transatlantic cousins in fantastic Britain, and are starting to copy them (and even out do them) in their pursuit of the most liveliest 'bachelors parties'.

If it wasn't already renouned, the fresh faced bachelors of the UK are the world leaders in coordinating pre-wedding parties for the bride and groom to be. Over in the UK, the 'bachelor party' is additional fondly termed the 'stag weekend', which gives some indication that it is not just a one evening affair! It is now part and parcel that any English bachelor party encompasses at least a full weekend (often abroad), and is often even extended out into a full week!

A trip over to Europe is now the general name of the game for most UK stag parties, and with the opening up of Eastern Europe with cheap airlines, there are numerous new hotspots that have been descended upon by UK party animals. With budget prices, stunning girls and an anything goes atmosphere, these new destinations have also been popping up on the radar of cash rich American's, who want to see what they have been missing out on to their transatlantic cousins.

James Baddiley, a director at UK stag weekend organiser Chillisauce. co. uk, comments: "Eastern Europe has been popular with the UK stag and hen market for several years now, but what we have noticed just recently is that we have been getting a number of enquiries from the US, where Bachelor Parties are considering something a bit unique for their event, and want to get a sample of the Eastern European action, before it gets over run by tourists, and the cities just mirror their western European counterparts. At the moment there is a bit of the Wild West about Eastern European cities, and they are the ultimate destination for a stag weekend. We provide almost every European city and can arrange pretty much anything the discerning guys from the Us want - from flights in MIG's and aerial dog fighting to wild boar hunting.... and a lot additional besides ....... It truly just depends what the group want to do and we can arrange it for them."

On the most popular destinations, James went on to comment "Budapest is exceedingly hot at the moment, and there is always a big demand Prague. There are also lot of new locations that are starting to get pretty big, for example Riga, Tallinn, Krakow and Vilnius".

With cheap transatlantic flights, it now seems that a short trip across the Atlantic is now on the list of ultimate bachelor party destinations, for the additional discerning guys where Las Vegas is just old hat.

Free effective marriage counseling advice online - how to get it

In reality, marriage is one of the most difficult tasks to handle. Problems and quirks are normal things to encounter in marriage. However, couples still choose to stay in the bond of marriage so save the holy matrimony. But some couple are not able to handle things well, so they definitely have to seek help from the authorities. Who are these authorities?

One way to seek help is to ask advice from marriage counselors. They are considered the doctors in terms of marriage problems. As you know, marriage is very important especially when there are kids in the family. So it is important to hold on to the relationship.

One among though things to handle is marriage. If a problem arises between the couple, at least one should be concern about how to solve it. One should seek the solution and one among the most effective solution is to seek for advices from the marriage counselors.

It is good for someone in the relationship to be educated about how marriages are handled. One way to educate self is by attending the sessions about marriages. You can also open up you problems so the counselors will give you advices on how you can handle your marriage problem well. You should only listen carefully so you would know how to deal with it correctly.

Marriage counseling is a form of confrontation where in the topic is all about marriage. it is normal for couple to experience difficulties in marriages, this is why counselors are willing to help them with their concerns. Counselors can be a good help to these couples by listening to their problems and giving out advices in which the couple should follow in order to maintain a good and harmonious relationship.

You should also take into consideration the credentials and qualifications of the marriage counselors that you are going to relay your problems on. Of course, to convey trust you must know the background of your counselors. From this you will know that the counselor you will be handing over your problems are professional and will sure help you with your marriage problems.

You can also look for counselors that give free marriages advices. There are many marriage counselors online can help you with your concern but will not ask anything from you.

The online marriage counselors will also discuss to you the different traditional arguments about marriage. if you cannot afford to pay for a therapist, you can use online marriage counseling to solve your problems with marriage. the only problem with this is the lack of live activities.

Online marriage counseling is very new in the net, so regulation should be established first. However, it can be a great help for those who want to seek for help but do not have much budget to spend. Everyone with marriage problems can log on to the particular site and seek help.

Counseling is one of the effective ways to save marriages. Free online marriage counseling is made available for you so you do not have to worry about paying dollars on therapist just to help you seek solutions to your marriage problem. The important thing is the self involvement. You should have faith and be patience to live a happy married life.

Non-denominational or mixed religion weddings how to make it happen

Couples of mixed religions or who come from families that do not have a strong religious background may choose to have either a non-denominational wedding or a wedding that blends two separate religions. This can be tricky however because many religions may not honor or recognize a wedding unless it is performed according to their own unique guidelines. For this reason it is very important to check with potential officiants and church leaders to ensure that your wedding plans will result in a union that is recognized by both churches. This is significant because you would not want to invest time and money on a marriage that will wind up not being recognized by the church and possibly not even recognized by the government. Whether a couple decides to have a non-denominational wedding, incorporate aspects of both religion into a ceremony that will not be recognized by either faith or participate in two separate religious ceremonies, it is important to remember that their love for each other and their love of their faith are equally important.

If both the bride and the groom have very strong faith backgrounds and wish to have their wedding recognized by their respective churches, they may have to take a few extra steps to ensure that their union is recognized by their churches. Sometimes the only way to do this is to have a wedding ceremony in both churches. This may seem like an unnecessary step but one of the defining criteria of having your marriage recognized by your faith, for many religions, is to have your wedding ceremony in the church. It is simply not possible to do this unless the couple takes the extra steps of having two wedding ceremonies to ensure that they will be both be accepted as a married couple into their faiths.

Another alternative to participating in two separate ceremonies in order to have the union recognized by both churches is to have a non-denominational wedding that is only recognized by the government. Couples may choose this option if they do not have the time or money that would be required to have two separate wedding ceremonies. A couple may choose a compromise that results in neither church recognizing the union. The theory behind this type of choice is that the couple decides that their love for each other is strong enough to survive and that they do not need to have the approval of their churches in order to have a successful and lasting marriage.

Still another alternative is to have a non-denominational wedding ceremony at a location in a natural setting. At this type of ceremony the couple has no restrictions and can choose to incorporate either religion into the ceremony in any way that they see fit. They may do this by using traditional prayers and religious songs during the ceremony. While this type of ceremony will not be recognized by the church is does offer the couple the opportunity to incorporate some of the religious traditions of both of their faiths into a beautiful ceremony that successfully blends two religions.

A final alternative is to incorporate one faith fully into the wedding ceremony and incorporate the other faith fully into the wedding reception. This option results in the marriage being recognized by one of the religions but does not allow the other family to feel neglected because their faith is well represented in the traditional activities of the wedding reception. This option is only feasible if the member of the couple who will not have their church recognize the union, is completely accepting and understand of this fact. This is important because the resentment and jealousy that could result from this could be very detrimental to the couple.

Inter-faith couples are on the rise. Years ago it was unheard of to marry someone outside of your faith but this is no longer true and many couples today are inter-faith couples. It is difficult but not impossible to integrate the two faiths in a way that is satisfactory to all of those involved. While the faiths can be blended to create a beautiful wedding, the problem is that many churches will not accept this blended wedding as a union. Sometimes the couple decides that their happiness together is more important than having the church recognize the union so they opt for a non-denominational wedding that is completely devoid of any religious traditions.

Seven marriage spice ups

Ask the Marriage Maven: Seven Marriage Spice Ups

Q. My marriage is getting pretty dull. My husband and I are going through a low point where everything seems to be pretty boring. What are some things that we can do to spice up our marriage?

D. M.

A. First of all know that every marriage goes through it's high and low points. You guys are just in a natural part of the cycle. With that said, here are a few suggestions to make your marriage a little more interesting.

1) Stop complaining about the state of your union. Create an action plan for change and write it down. It’s okay if you’re the only one willing to spice things up at first. In time you’ll find that your spouse will be receptive to the changes you’ve made, especially if you don’t point out your changes or nag your spouse about changing.

2) I can’t say it enough, turn off the T. V. at least 30-45 minutes a day and spend time with each other. No distractions.

3) Date each other as if you weren’t married. Dress up, wear make up, cologne/perfume. Recreate your early years. Meet each other on site and pretend as though you’re meeting for the first time—or have your partner pick you up from work or home. The whole idea is to go all out.

4) Do nice things for each other. Completing chores around the house that your spouse hates doing is a great place to start.

5) Make a point to have a “second” honeymoon at least once a year. Any time from three days to two weeks is good. Even if you can’t get away, you can make a paradise at home. Make work take a back seat, and get someone to watch the kids (and even your pets). The point is to spend your focus on each other for a few days.

6) Live each day as though it were your last. Make sure you say the things you want to say to your spouse today and do the things you want to do for your spouse today. Don’t hold back a good word or a good deed when you know it can do a wonder for your relationship.

7) Take care of yourself. This tip is probably the most important. Make sure that your spiritual, emotional, psychological and physical batteries are charged. If you need to spend some time doing a hobby, visiting with some friends, or pampering yourself, do it! So long as your “me” time is in moderation, you’ll feel a lot healthier, and your relationship will reflect it.

Engagement rings - how to

Even thought buying a diamond engagement ring is the same as buying any other engagement ring, there are a few things you should think about before you step into the shop and let the experienced salesperson talk you into paying your last 3 months of hard work away.

One thing is sure. You made up your mind, you are going to ask the big question, you got the night all planned in your head… but you still need a ring to seal the deal. Take your time and read this through, ring buying can be very expensive for someone who doesn’t do any research, There is much to consider when purchasing a diamond – especially diamond engagement rings, do what a men do and have been doing throughout the last 300 years, get down to your knee and look for that small box in your pocket… now try and get all those words out correctly, and you may have to start thinking about wedding rings.

Most woman will expect a ring to accompany a wedding proposal, so make sure you got some idea of what her taste is like and who she is, would she go for a small, modest ring, or would she love to have everyone understand she is getting married just by the shine of a huge rock sitting on her finger, remember that an diamond engagement ring is also a clear sign for society to start congratulating both of you.

Budget is an issue here, since one can spend unrealistic sums of money when you are talking about diamonds rings, try and think of how much you can spend (not saying how much you want, since we all want to spend a lot on an engagement ring) and what kind of ring you can afford, not everyone can put in a few months of his hard work into this, and realistically, maybe you should save a little for after the weeding, don’t blow it al on the diamond engagement ring. Usually the ‘two months salary’ rule is the one to use. This means that the ring should cost the equivalent of two months of your current salary. Consider financing, go to the jeweler of your choice and tell them that you plan to buy an engagement ring, and that financing will be necessary. Make sure you do not give in easily to the jeweler and start getting into the numbers, see what kind of rings you can afford, and what is the general cost of different rings.

When in the store, keep a negotiation going, try not to let the sales people walk you through the buying experience, be involved and alert, and stick to what you want. Keep talking about prices, what you actually get in each ring and why is the price different, get a few rings that you like in front of you and keep comparing them. The average salesperson works on commission, and that the profit on these sales is huge, you can cut prices if you know how to talk shop with these people, even if you are not good at this – you can always try this system. Compare as many rings as you like, put them all in front of you, keep asking about prices and make sure you go back to the one you like a few times. You can also say that you really like it, and ask if he can make the price a little sweeter for you. Not a lot of sales people let a sale walk out the door, if you play your cards right, you can cut some of the price.

Stag do manchester pre wedding fun

: A fantastic bachelor party in Manchester If the boys from Oasis are any indication Manchester must be the right place for a good time. A stag do in Manchester is the only choice if you’re looking for a suave, cocky, in-your-face experience of clubbing and more clubbing. You can find all the ingredients for the best night of your life in Manchester – from the sexy club-hopping girls to the never-ending nightlife, music scene and parade of fashionable people to the pubs, restaurants and other exciting venues. Manchester is the capital of all things trendy and in-the-know. For your next stag do consider Manchester your primary destination of choice – but only if you can handle it. The locals know how to party the Manchester way so you’ll find it easy to blend into the nightlife and have a good time everywhere you go. A large selection of pubs, bars, restaurants and other hip locations are scattered throughout the city so no one looking for a good time will be denied his right. It may get cold up here sometimes but the fun-loving locals know how to heat things up and you’ll never waste time trying to get around town. Manchester offers all the amenities, activities and excitement of big city living without the congestion and hassle of trying to move from one location to the next. No more wasted hours trying to get wasted – everything is at your beck and call, no matter what time of day or night. Friendly smiles, faces and most importantly, girls, await you in Manchester amid a throng of entertainment choices, ranging from the sophisticated to the hip to the downright delectable. Never run out of tasty food to eat – a wide selection of all the best in top-notch dining awaits you and your group of weary travelers, so chow down without coming up for air because the stag weekend is all about getting the most out of the experience. Manchester has it all for your stag do or bachelor party – good food, good beer, good cheese and good girls (or bad, to suit your fancy). Trust me, if you’re a red-blooded male with the instincts of your ancient, hunting and gathering ancestors, Manchester will do you just fine.

Choosing stunning wedding graphics

Our modern technological age has changed the ways in which we do numerous things in our lives. One thing that has changed drastically in the new millennium is how we present and preserve our weddings and the photographs, videos, and other memories from those events. Even just five years ago it was almost completely unheard of for people to create interactive and graphical web sites announcing their weddings, stating where they’re registered, and then uploading the photographs and videos to the site after the event so Great Aunt Agnes can see the wedding pictures without having to leave her trailer in Duluth. Today it is so common that everyone’s doing it and the practice is being popularized even further by celebrities like Star Jones. Additionally people are now using their computers to cut wedding costs by designing their own invitations and thank-you notes and printing them at home. It’s fun, cost effective, and allows a person to really let their creativity shine. It’s easy to jump on the do-it-yourself wedding bandwagon if you have a PC and a connection to the Internet. To do so one of the things you’ll definitely need to get a hold of are some impressive wedding graphics.

The Internet can be your best friend when searching for wedding graphics. There are many sites that specialize in low or no cost graphics. Most of these feature wedding graphics and include directions on downloading the images to your own PC, allowing you to get to work immediately being a computer wizard.

In order to start producing your web site or invitations you’ll need a decent graphics editing software. Adobe Photoshop is the application of choice for most digital artists and graphic designers, but if you’re not expecting to launch a graphic design company of your own you may find Photoshop’s cost a bit on the high end at approximately $800.00. There are many other graphics editing programs available, however, with price points ranging from about $50.00 to $100.00. Any of these will help you get started in editing and designing your wedding graphics without breaking your bank account.

Once you learn the ins & outs of your chosen application and have gathered some wedding graphics that you’re pleased with, you’re ready to get started. If you’re designing a web site about your wedding, it can be done without any knowledge of HTML (the computer language that web pages are written in) by choosing a web host that includes page design features. There are many of these on the Internet and once you’ve found one, designing your web site is as easy as uploading your graphics to your new host and designing the page using their tools. For invitations, flyers, thank you notes and other printable items, all you need to do is visit your nearest office supply or computer electronics store and pick up a set of the appropriate printable material for your printer. You’ll be making your own items with the beautiful wedding graphics you’ve chosen in no time.

Make a business plan for your marriage post it on the fridge

In working with companies to create business plans, I always start with a conversation about goal setting. How could you possibly create a business plan without a goal to achieve by working the plan? Clients are taught to create milestones to measure success along the way and they are held accountable for doing tasks to achieve each milestone. Tracking activities to reach the goals is critical. But before any of that can occur they have to dream.

Step One: Dream

When given the task of “goal setting” people typically start with an amount of money they’d like to earn. Sometimes they’ll have a clear idea of what they will do with that money, sometimes they just choose a dollar amount because they think they are supposed to do that.

In business there is an old story that’s been recycled for years about a graduating class from Harvard. On graduation day when the class was asked “do you have clearly written goals?” only 3% responded “yes”. Ten years later, the same group of people were assessed. The 3% that had clearly written goals were worth more than the other 97% of the class combined. Humm… I can’t think of any reasons not to set goals, just in case that story is accurate!

The key to goal setting is to be as specific as possible and create milestones to measure along the way to make sure you are on the right path working toward a longer term achievement. For example, if your goal is to earn more money, you first have to be more specific. How much money will you earn, by when will you earn it? What do you have to do to get there? Look for a new job? Ask for a raise? Sell a new account? Go back to school and finish your degree? What steps do you need to take to get to the earnings goal? Create a plan to move through each step with a timeline attached.

Step Two: Set Goals Together

Two things are important regarding goal setting as a couple. Number one, it’s fine to set individual goals, but you must share them with your spouse and make sure they fit with their goals. You both might want to earn a lot of money, but if one of you is working to earn money to send kids to college and the other is working to earn money to travel first class all over the world without kids, you both have nice dreams, but you may be out of whack as a couple.

My recommendation is to dream on your own first. It’s important that you discover what is important to you and share that with your partner. If you skip that part and go directly to step two, the more vocal or determined of the partnership will dominate the conversation and the other will go along with their goals, simply because they don’t have any other dreams to include in the master plan.

Setting goals together is an on-going activity. Check in with your partner on a consistent basis to see if their ideal dream today is the same as the plan they shared years (or months) ago.

Step Three: Create Your Dream in Pictures

It’s important to dream together in pictures. Most people on the planet are highly “visual” meaning, they think in pictures. When you are dreaming, dream big and allow your subconscious mind the opportunity to play along by creating a visual display of pictures of your dreams. The mind thinks and processes information in pictures. If you want to train your mind to deliver what you want, do it in pictures.

Why this isn’t a “no brainer” in a marital partnership I will never know. Why people are surprised to learn after years of marriage that one spouse wants to travel the world and the other dreams of spending free time visiting with family doesn’t make any sense. Dream together. Dream in pictures. Discuss your goals and plans together. If you are not on the same page, decide if it’s worth fighting for or if you want it because you think you should based on what we’ve been taught by society and the media.

Save some old magazines for an evening of cutting & pasting to create your dream in pictures. As you cut out a photo, describe to your partner why you chose that for your visual display. When you agree together on all the photos for your joint picture board you are ready to paste them onto a piece of cardboard to make a collage of dreams.

The most important part of creating the picture board of your dreams together is taping it to your refrigerator to remind each other everyday that you are working together toward a common dream. Keeping your dreams present makes it easier to stay connected to what’s important to you as a couple. Companies create business plans and hang mission statements in their lobby area to keep them focused, couples create picture boards for the fridge.

What about a stag party in brighton

Brighton is the south coasts party capital, and lets face it, we much rather be beside the seaside! With over 450 pubs and clubs there is no excuse for not having a great night, especially given the brilliant party vibe at weekends. With beach front restaurants and a trendy scene, this is as near to Ibiza as England gets. Accordingly the clubs in this town are top notch too, attracting more famous DJs than you would believe. For those who would prefer a more traditional stag weekend experience then there are also casino's and strip bars in spades. If all of this seams like to much choice, then why not get onboard the unique party bus and travel in style to all the towns hotspots. What is more this is a town which has a relaxed attitude late night opening, meaning you can definitely party till dawn.

Don't think the fun ends during the daytime either, Brighton boasts a wide range of outdoor activities, paintball, quad bikes, target shooting, karting and yachting to name just a few. Or you could seek the perfect hangover cure with tasty fish and chips, followed by amusements on Brighton's famous pier.

One of the most important things on any stag night is the accommodation, and if you are considering Brighton as a location, then there are several things that you ought to be aware of when you are making plans for the stag night. Firstly Brighton's accommodation is mostly small independant Bed and Breakfast type establishments, so while you may get a warm welcome, don't anticipate the fancy frills and trimmings associated with posh 4 star hotels available in most other UK cities. Secondly, if you are making plans for your Brighton stag night in the summer, then you are going in peak season and accommodation gets booked up months in advance and hoteliers also charge a premium during the main period from April to September. You will frequently find that you will end up paying as much as three times the amount for the same accommodation if you go in the height of summer as you would during the winter months! therefore plan well ahead and get that accommodation booked in early to avoid disappointment.

Unusual bridesmaids gifts to make your bridesmaids feel special

A wedding day is a very special, in fact unique, day for the bride and groom, and for close family and friends, especially those who play a part in the ceremony, such as the bridesmaids. In most cases, the bridesmaids do get a fair amount of attention as part of the supporting cast, and it is usual for bridesmaids gifts to be given as a memento of the occasion.

As bride and groom, though, you may want to say a big thank you to the bridesmaids and do something a bit special for them. So, you may be considering an unusual bridesmaids' gift to show them their role was more important to you than they may have thought; and, that they are not and will not be forgotten.

Wanting to give an unusual bridesmaid gift is one thing, but finding one is a different matter altogether. However, maybe "finding" is not the right way to go about it. You want to thank the bridesmaids for their support on your special wedding day, so why not thank them by arranging something special for them, in which they, not you, are the focus of attention?

What you do will, of course, depend on budget, and what you think the bridesmaids will all appreciate. Here are just a few ideas for unusual bridesmaids' gifts that you could arrange.

Bridesmaids' Bash

On the wedding day itself, you probably had a reception and maybe a disco or some form of entertainment for the wedding guests. Again, the stars of the show were you, the bride and groom. One sure way to show appreciation is for you to stand aside and bring the bridesmaids to the fore, to feel very special and appreciated.

One thing you could do is to arrange a Bridesmaids Bash, a party arranged just for them. If you are going away for a honeymoon, would it not be nice to get back home, and a few days latter have a special party organised for the bridesmaids Of course, you can give them a small memento also, but as the main, and unusual, bridesmaids gift, a fun bash in which they are the focus, could go down really well.

Bridesmaids' Beauty Binge

There is no doubt that almost every bride and groom goes to great lengths to look their best on the wedding day; the same is true of the bridesmaids. There is also no doubting that girls and young women across the bridesmaid age group do feel special when they are having a lot of attention being paid to their health and beauty.

For an unusual bridesmaids' gift, how about negotiating with a local parlour for a group beauty session for all the bridesmaids? It would be fun for them to go together a couple of weeks after the wedding, and have a makeover, pedicure, manicure, new hairdo, massage; whatever you can afford to make a fuss of them for an hour or two, or three.

Bridesmaids' Bloat Out

Another bridesmaid gift idea that is a bit unusual is, rather than the full Bridesmaids' Bash, take them all out for a special meal a week or two after the wedding. This idea is not for those on a diet, but as they are all young and probably in good shape, some sort of feast, a Bridesmaids' Bloat Out, could be a good idea. It is best to sound them out in advance, so you can choose a venue they will all be delighted with, whatever their age.

To make it special, you could arrange for a local florist, or the establishment manager, to deliver flowers, or some other gift, to the table. A little bit of imagination could make this a fun occasion to all and give the bridesmaids the special attention they deserve.

Christian sex - 7 barriers to fulfilling married sexuality

Many Christian married couples have yet to experience a fulfilling sexuality. Yet, it is an essential ingredient for a vital Christian marriage. Here are 7 barriers to a fun and fulfilling lovemaking for Christian married couples

1. Not knowing what God says about sex

The first commandment God gave was to engage in sex (Genesis 1: 27-28.) God had just created humanity in His image, commanded them to be “fruitful and multiply”, and then commented “it was good” (Genesis 1:31.) Somehow, it seems like this was a priority for Adam and Eve.

2. Talking very little with your spouse about sexuality or your preferences.

When couples can share with their spouse about sexuality or their sexual preferences, intimacy is created. An emotional bond results from the intimate level of vulnerability on a conversational level. A great place to start talking about sex is to share what lovemaking means to you emotionally, how frequent you would like to have sex, and even times of the day or specific days.

3. Engaging out of obligation, rather than enjoyment

Many believe sex was solely intended for procreation, rather than recreation. To the contrary, the poetic references in the Song of Solomon describe lovemaking that is enjoyable and anticipated. Feel free to have some fun with sex with different positions and places. However, all must be with respect for your spouse’s considerations. I Corinthians 1:4 states that our bodies belong to our mates, not just us. It is written from a spirit of equality, where both spouses are to serve one another, rather than one controlling the other. For one spouse to force the other into sexual behaviors without consent is abusive.

4 Failure to plan

Many couples, Christians especially, are sexually frustrated. While some of this may be attributed to different sexual appetites, much more is a result of infrequency. Sex is never convenient, but is critical to a vital relationship. Plan for sex like you would any other appointment. Rather than thinking of this as stale, consider that it allows you and your spouse time to plan for the special time together. Planning also alleviates any concerns for sexual deprivation and sexual pressure.

5. Using sex as a reward or punishment

Sex is often used as a reward for some positive behavior. Or it can be withheld when one spouse is angry with the other. Couples sabotage themselves when their sex life becomes a bartering system. Because of its vulnerability, lovemaking must be unconditional to be meaningful. Find other ways to thank your spouse, and healthy ways to overcome your resentments.

6. Unresolved sexual abuse issues

Sexual abuse issues follow spouses into marriage. Victims of sexual abuse may have an aversion to lovemaking, or experience painful reminders of the past. For some, there may be a distortion of healthy sexuality. If you have been wounded from sexual abuse, realize that you did nothing to deserve this. Furthermore, there is hope. I encourage you to find a counselor that specializes in this area, and begin the road to recovery. It is one thing to survive sexual abuse, and another to overcome it.

7. Pornography

The most significant destructive force to a healthy sex life is pornography. And yes, I am talking about Christian marriages. Images are burned into a person’s mind, thereby creating an insatiable thirst for more erotic behavior, or harmful behaviors. Some couples have stated the use of pornography enhances their sex life. I disagree. Not only is it degrading, but it fosters empty relationships by focusing on the physical rather than love. If your marriage has been affected by pornography, find a qualified counselor to help you rebuild the intimacy in your marriage.

In my experience as a Christian counselor, a lot of confusion exists amongst married couples regarding a healthy Christian sex life. The reality is that God has given sex as a gift for married couples to embrace rather than tolerate, or misuse. So much of today’s culture promotes a contaminated view of sex. As Christians, let’s change our culture by strengthening our marriages with a healthy Christian sexuality

Marriage counseling for prevention

An unfortunate by-product of our insulated culture is that therapy, including counseling, is seen as a sign of weakness or that a relationship has turned sour. This does not have to be the case - in fact, many marriage relationships that are strong can benefit from the services a professional counselor can offer.

There are a few stages in marriages, and counseling can be extremely important in each of them. The first stage is the time before the couple actually gets married, after the decision to take the big step has been made. Good counseling at this time can help the couple to anticipate areas of conflict that may arise when the actual event takes place. Couples who have not previously lived together may not be fully prepared for what it means to have another person live in your life 24 hours a day, seven days a week. It is critical that these couples be prepared for the challenges that face them, form the dividing of the household and other workloads to issues that will come up when it comes to finances, sex, and free time. Couples that have lived together might also find some pre-marital counseling beneficial, as the actual process of marriage seems to alter the expectations of the relationship in many different ways. Above all, counseling before marriage can help a couple identify potential trouble spots within the relationship that may be exacerbated once the commitment has been made.

Counseling over the course of the marriage can also help to strengthen the relationship as well as identify potential areas of conflict before they boil over into larger fights. A counselor is trained to hear what the people speaking are saying, while partners in a marriage will inevitably filter out some of the other person’s message, no matter how clearly they believe they are putting it forward. An attentive counselor can therefore be expected to have the ability to head trouble off at the pass.

Marriages will also experience considerable upheaval with the arrival of a new baby, and in fact the family dynamic can be expected to change with the arrival of each subsequent child. A counselor will again have the background to enable him to identify potential trouble spots and the education to offer problem solutions so that the couple does not find their relationship ambushed in a time of upheaval.

Regardless of your feelings on the strength of your relationship, good marriage counseling is a great option just to make sure that the lines of communication stay open. Even people who are hopelessly in love may not realize that their partner does not have the same impression of a situation that the individual is experiencing. A counselor will help to identify and clarify these areas, and offer solutions to keep them from arising in the future.

Remember that counseling is not a sign of weakness. It does not even mean that there are necessarily problems within your relationship; instead, it may just be another tool to keep your relationship at its very best.

How about edinburgh for a stag party destination

Are you looking for a stag do location with a unique element, but don't want the expense and hassle of travelling overseas? Well a stag do in Edinburgh will provide exactly that, and here I shall provide a little bit more detail why Edinburgh makes such a great location.

The City of Edinburgh:

The initial thing that greets you about Edinburgh is that it is a stunning city, with majestic old buildings, lofted up on a hills and nestled in valleys. on occasion it seems as though the buildings are actually built into and out of the rock.

Edinburgh Stag Activities:

With its rugged mountainous countryside Edinburgh exposes itself to an amazing range of activities - plenty of which cannot be done anywhere else in the UK, such as white water rafting, canyoning, duckies, gorge walking and river bugging. If you don't want any of those then there are also many old favourites such as paintball games, quad bike trekking, clays and archery.

Evening Activities:

Edinburgh comes alive at night and has a amazing range of restaurants, pubs, clubs and trendy bars that will fit all tastes. During the summer period Edinburgh becomes a Festival city, with events running back to back through July and August.

Edinburgh Stag Accommodation

Due to its popularity with stag groups and general tourists, getting accommodation can become an issue - particularly during the summer festival period. On the other hand, there are plenty of hostels in Edinburgh which are a thankful preference for the budget traveller, and for those with a little more funds, apartments offer another excellent quality preference to costly hotels.


Marriage is one of the most important bonds two human beings can make with each other. Universally, marriage is the joining of a man and a woman, who promise to support and love each other for the remainder of their lives. Generally, this promise is taken within a spiritual context. Good marriages are not hard work. and actually flow quite smoothly. It is actually bad marriages that are a lot of hard work. Good marriages become bad marriages when mistakes are made that ruin the romantic love spouses once had for each other.

Marriages become bad when one or both partners fail to meet each other's emotional needs or makes the other partner unhappy. Either one can destroy a marriage because needs are not being met. It is always much harder to be in a marriage when you stop loving the other person. However, working on

old mistakes and trying hard to meet unmet needs, can heal wounds in a marriage and make it whole again, so that marriage again becomes easy and wonderful.

A person will generally marry someone who does a good job of meeting their emotional needs. Every encounter you have with that person prior to marriage will prove his or her effectiveness, because he or she will make you feel good whenever you are in their company. After you have had a few of those experiences, you will find yourself in love. In fact, falling in love - what is known popularly as romantic love, is actual proof that the person you are dating is meeting some of your important emotional needs.

Some of the most important values women in general have placed in potential life partners are: affection, conversation, honesty, openness, fairness, financial freedom and support, and commitment. Some of the most important needs men have expressed are: recreation, physical appearance, admiration, domestic support, and sexual fulfillment.

Some of the most frequent causes of conflict within a relationship are the result of behavior choices on the part of one or both partners. For example, a spouse that is demanding and controlling creates an unhealthy dynamic and environment. Disrespect, abuse, anger, and domestic violence are all harbingers of pain and suffering into a relationship, resulting in deterioration and ultimate death of love in a marriage, as well as creating a whole Pandora's box of other evils. Other causes of conflict include ignoring, slighting, coldness, emotional withdrawal, dishonesty, and continuation of behavior that is annoying to one of the spouses and the other spouse refusing to change or alter their behavior.

A lot has been written regarding choice for a marriage partner. One of the simplest and most effective ways is to listen to your own heart. How do you feel around the other person? Do you feel appreciated, cared for, protected, important, secure, and loved? When you start to think about

what you want and how you want to be treated, you can create a relationship that embodies that for yourself.

In simple terms, there are four important things to consider before marriage to a potential life-mate: caring, protection, time, and honesty. Caring means that you meet each other's most important emotional needs. Protection means you avoid being the cause of each other's unhappiness. Time means you give each other time each week for undivided attention. By honesty, you promise to be totally honest with each other.

Protecting yourself from a bad marriage

In modern times, almost nobody willingly enters a marriage they know to be dangerous or unhealthy. Yet, over time a large number of women find themselves in a situation they realize is out of control or simply not an environment they are comfortable in. It can be tricky dealing with divorce or separation in an abusive marriage, but you can quickly extricate yourself from the situation legally and without expensive legal fees by spending a bit of time researching your options online.

Making the Decision

It may take you a long time to realize your marriage is destroying your spirit or is outright dangerous. Many times women looking back on the years together can see signs of emotional or physical abuse long before the first fist flew or she reached the breaking point from insults and insinuation. Regardless of how long you’ve been in an ugly situation, there is no need to stay there – despite your trepidation.

Many women stay in a marriage longer than they should for the sake of their children or out of fear of being alone. While both of these are valid arguments, they are not powerful enough to allow a dangerous man in your life or your child’s.

Staying for the Children

The most common argument for staying in a marriage, at least from mothers, is that their children need a father figure. While studies have shown that healthy, intact marriages are indeed beneficial for children, an unhealthy family environment is likely putting a great deal of stress on your children – more than a separation and move would entail.

Children, even toddlers and infants, are very astute. They may not understand all the words in an argument, but they do understand and react to tone. And if your home is full of shouting and insults, your child is exposed to that despite you try to keep it from him. Not only do children sense when there is trouble between their parents, they are also learning behaviors from you and your husband at all times.

If your child sees that a man can hit his wife in anger and simply apologize later without recourse, you’ve effectively taught your child that hitting is okay and that physically dominating a woman or being dominated by a man is just the way of things. Telling your child not to hit his friends or siblings is a moot point after he sees violence in his own home. The same can be said for insults, name-calling and shouting.

If your child is in danger of physical or emotional abuse, you are responsible for removing them from that situation immediately.

Being Alone

If you’ve been in a relationship, even a bad one, for a long time there is definitely a concern about suddenly being alone. This fear is compounded if you’ve been out of the workforce to raise children at home. While this fear can be crippling, don’t allow it to be. Reach out to a shelter or community center that helps women find two feet to stand on while they prepare restraining orders and divorce papers. A shelter or help center can also give you legal advice and help you make a fresh start away from your current situation.

Take Action

If you can’t afford a lawyer or simply don’t know where to begin, order an inexpensive packet of legal documents from a reputable online source. You can obtain restraining orders, child custody documents and the papers you’ll need to begin divorce proceedings.

If the thought of divorce is still too overwhelming, start with a simple step – get you and your children away from the negative influence and at least begin researching your options. You may be entitled to half of all assets and earnings in the marriage.

Restraining orders are a logical next step to keep you safe from any reaction on your husband’s part, and then legal separation or divorce will give you a clean start down the road. The most important thing should not be filing legal paperwork, however. What’s really important is that you act accordingly to keep you and yours safe.

Understanding your russian women

So you have found your perfect match. There is definitely chemistry between the two of you and you undeniably click. She’s beautiful, smart, kind, and funny. She is caring and warm. She is demure and proper, yet she gets out of her shell once in a while when needed. She is a charmer and can laugh at herself. Simply put, she is perfect.

Here comes the bigger challenge – keeping her. By now you have probably gone through a number of interracial marriage agencies, Internet-based marriage agencies, and a number of meet-ups in and out of the country. Never let your efforts go to waste. Make sure that your love is a keeper.

Here are the ways.

Forget everything you learned from the dating site or marriage agency you signed up for. Once you are together, it is up to the both of you to work on your compatibility. Start all over again and explore everything about each other as if you have never communicated before.

Don’t compare her to other women, whether Western or Russian. Recognize the fact that that she is her own unique self. There may be things about her that you may find different, maybe even weird. But just sit back and you may actually realize that these are the things you miss the most when you’re not together.

Know a little about her history. Her thinking and attitude are shaped by the grievances, hardships, celebrations, and experiences her nation and her people have had in the past. If you do exert some effort, you may be able to find fascinating things about her country and her ancestors. You will eventually be able to understand how and why she thinks the way that she does.

Understand her traditions. If you understand the tradition that your Russian woman grew up in, you will be able to determine the things she would find beautiful, interesting, and offensive. Know that Russian women are conservative and do not easily open up about sensitive topics such as sex. She is reserved and private, therefore she reveals her inner self only to a few chosen people. If you are sensitive about her nature, then she will appreciate you more.

Try to learn their language. Or at least learn how to say “I love you” in Russian. Doing this creates the impression that you are willing to do small, simple, and sweet things for her. Doing this also communicates that you ready for a committed relationship that may actually result in a walk down the aisle.

Find out what makes her tick. Be observant. Take visual clues of what she finds amazing. When you see her face light up, take note of what just took place or what she just saw. If you keep doing the things she loves, then you are sure to get that love back.

Stick to your woman. This is perhaps the best advice you can take. There is no excuse for cheating. And cheaters are not worthy to be forgiven. Russian woman, like any other woman of any descent, appreciate honesty above everything else. Without honesty, there can be no trust. Without trust, there can be no relationship.

Keep your marriage spanking new

Have you ever noticed that after your honeymoon period is over, the magic that exists between you and your husband or wife suddenly dims and slowly wavers? Everything between the two of you falls into a regular routine of eating, sleeping, and sometimes, awkward moments can be experienced.

This can be increased when you have your own children, a good number of your attention will be focused on them. Your romance suddenly falls right on the back seat. That is why there are people who divorce their partners just after a year or two of being together under the same roof.

Maybe you should go back to the basics of your relationship, and try to gather back all the things that you need for you to keep your marriage as good as when you were proclaimed newlyweds. First is love. It is the most essential part of a relationship. Let this love bind you once again.

Have your full and endless support for each other. Though some differences may arise on some things that needs a decision, it will be very rewarding if you will support whoever is tasked to make that decision. Respect each other's decision. Be there always for him/her, in achievements and in failure. That support, for sure, will be appreciated.

Have proper communication between the two of you. If your husband or wife committed something that annoys you, talk to him/her. Explain what you feel, and let him/her explain also. Discuss everything—problems, rules—and other things that needs to be discussed. Do not let these problems linger and cause more rift between the two of you.

Show your care for your spouse everyday of your life. Happy couples do show how much they care for each other. Take him/her out for a dinner, or you can serve your spouse whenever they feel tired. Small things can produce large results

Relight the torch that has made your relationship burning. Rediscover what you felt for your life when you weren't married yet. Looking at your marriage in a new light can make it feel new once again.

Exhilarating adventures and extreme experiences newquay stag weekends brings out the hero in you

If you are all for a sunny beach, a platter of exhilarating adventures and an entrйe of extreme experiences, you will get it all at a stag weekend in Newquay. Rightfully described as a party town extraordinaire, Newquay has become an ideal stag and hen weekend destination with a balanced combination of beach activities, nightlife and outdoor adventures. What’s more, if you engage tour operators such as Chillisauce, you will be sure that your time here will be a memorable one.

Coasteering is a popular adventure activity in Newquay, where a series of physical challenges await you. Hike, swim, climb and cliff jump your way to parts of the Cornish Islands which may otherwise be inaccessible. Explore caves filled with blowholes and whirlpools, followed by a 20 to 40 ft climb up a cliff. Jump off the cliff from the top down into the surf below. This is definitely not an activity for the faint hearted!

A zap cat powerboat promises an adventure in itself. Take off from the surf beach located 10 minutes from Newquay town for a 3 hour zap cat ride. These amazing powerboats are fast, and travel at 40 knots per hour. Literally fly through the air as you and a buddy take a spin up the coast, while marvelling at the beautiful shoreline.

Take the ultimate test on your adrenalin drive as you walk across a tight rope from one cliff top to another! Known as the Postman’s walk, this Newquay stag weekend experience is a challenge not to be missed. Two ropes connect two 200 ft cliffs, one for your hands and another for your feet. Walk across the beach with a safety harness attached to challenge your fear of heights!

Finally, a Newquay stag weekend is not complete without a visit to the beach themed nightclub. Dance to the popular chart toppers and you may even get a chance to enjoy the famed foam parties.

Victory dance your way to success

: On a trip to England my husband, Tom, and I visited Stratford-on-Avon, looking for the home of William Shakespeare. The historic center of town is small and easy to navigate. However, we couldn't find anything that even resembled Shakespeare's homestead. Resting against a wall, we opened our water bottles and looked once more at our map. At my insistence (since husbands don't ask for directions), we stopped a passing pedestrian.

"Can you tell us how to find Shakespeare's home?" we asked.

The man had a glint in his eyes and light-heartily replied, "Yes, you're leaning against it."

Laughing together at missing something so obvious we realized what had led us astray: What we were looking for was not what was there, but what we imagined we would find. Americans that we are, we were expecting a tourist attraction, not a simple cottage. Success eluded us, not because we hadn't found it (we were after all resting against it), but because it didn't meet our expectations.

How often have you reached a goal or passed a milestone without experiencing a single moment of enjoyment or satisfaction? Did you feel let down because reaching your goal wasn't as hard as you expected it to be? Or were you disillusioned because the accomplishment wasn't as spectacular as you had hoped?

Celebrate ALL Your Accomplishments, Small and Large

In your legal nurse consulting practice, if you make a habit of celebrating your accomplishments, both small and large, you'll find that you enjoy each accomplishment more than ever. When you learn to appreciate your smallest victories, even those that fall short of fantastic, the big goals become more special and worthy of celebration.

Working alone in my home office one day last week, I completed a project I'd been struggling with for some time. Rather than move on to my next project (they're stacked up pretty deep), I called Tom at the office to share my joyful moment. He congratulated me, and when he came home that evening, he brought a bottle of champagne. Toasting, acknowledging and celebrating the success together made that small accomplishment all the tastier.

While I don't recommend celebrating every tiny accomplishment with a drink, you can give yourself a bit of praise, an extra moment to enjoy a cup of tea, a five-minute meditation break or a walk after dinner. Even a small reward can make a difference.

Tom and I have a silly tradition (he'd die if he knew I was sharing this) for celebrating successes. Have you ever heard the phrase, "What do you expect, a song and a dance?" If one us completes a task but feels we haven't received adequate recognition, he or she can ask for a "song and a dance." The other must make up a song on the spot along with some dance steps. It usually goes something like this: "Tom (or Vickie) is my hero; he took out the garbage; it was really smelly. He washed out the can..." You get the idea. Now, it's not giving a world-class performance that matters here. What's essential is to make sure the other person feels truly appreciated for what they've done.

When you were a child and first pulled yourself upright, your parents celebrated. Your first steps were a cause for jubilation. Your first words, the first time you successfully used the potty and your first report card (hopefully in that order) all brought volleys of praise. We are trained from childhood to expect praise, but as adults we find ourselves giving it to others more often than to ourselves. As nurses, we are naturally nurturing, and we usually nurture everyone except ourselves. We need to nurture ourselves as much as we nurture others.

Create Your Own Victory Dance

What does this have to do with finding what we expected instead of what was there? Often, what we expect to find or to feel at the end of a project is not what we actually find or feel. The failure to feel a great sense of accomplishment can diminish the whole accomplishment for us. We need to retrain ourselves and retrain our expectations.

One of the best ways to do this is to take back some of that praise. You need it and deserve it. Practice praising yourself even if you think your accomplishment is too small, even if it didn't live up to your expectations.

When Tom and I found that we'd actually reached Shakespeare's home, we could have said, "Well, that's a disappointment. Forget about it." Instead we laughed and celebrated our small, if accidental, victory and enjoyed our visit to the great, though inconspicuous, literary landmark.

When you start learning to praise yourself, and start praising yourself generously, you'll soon find yourself enjoying everything you do more and more. You don't have to give yourself a song and a dance. In fact, you might look pretty strange to your coworkers and end up in a different nursing unit, if you know what I mean. But you do need to let yourself know – really know – that you have accomplished something.

• Keep a stack of Post-It notes that say "Good Job" and write one to yourself.
• Allow yourself a piece of chocolate at lunch or a glass of wine at dinner.
• Toast yourself with the beverage of your choice.
• Shout "YES!" and pump your arm.

Whenever Tom solves a difficult computer problem, he does what he calls the "engineer's victory dance." Sometimes no one else understands, much less appreciates, the magnitude of what he's accomplished. He may be the only one who knows how much his achievement is worth celebrating, so he's the perfect person to celebrate. To me, his dance looks like an epileptic seizure – but it makes him happy. I don't understand the dance, but then I don't always understand the extent or complexity of the computer issue he's been working on. Tom does, however, and the dance is his unique way of celebrating his own unique victory.

Find your own victory dance. Who cares if it looks funny to others, as long as no one sticks a tongue blade between your teeth. Just make sure you allow yourself to dance that dance for accomplishments large and small.

Proposing on valentine s day - how to make sure she says yes

What a way to make sure that she remembers Valentine’s Day this year! Go ahead and plan a great way for you to propose to her. But, since this is such a wonderfully romantic day, you’ll need to find a way to do it in an extra special way to make it that much more enjoyable for you both.

Here are some helpful ideas about how to have a Valentines Day you will remember for the rest of your lives together.

At The Restaurant

One way that you can do this is to let the manager of the location in on what you are doing. If you do, they are sure to make sure that the evening goes well for you. They may be able to provide you with some extra ideas or to make the most of this. Some will even provide you with a cake to go with your special day. In fact, you may be able to take that cake and have the words, “Marry Me” added to it.


You can use candies to propose in a number of ways. For example, replace one of the candies in a heart shaped box of them with an engagement ring wrapped in red tissue paper. Or, take all of the “Marry Me” candies out of the big bag of candy hearts and present a box full of them to her. Make sure to present her ring and get down on one knee after you give them to her.

On The Air

If she has a special radio station that she always listens to, call in and ask the announcer if you can propose on the air. You may need to actually purchase some air time to do so; you’ll need to make sure you have plenty of time to do this.

A Surprise

Not the romantic type? If you aren’t, she is sure to catch on when you want to have an especially romantic dinner. Instead, make sure you find a unique way to present the question to her. If you can get the waiter alone, ask them to include the ring in that is tied to a ribbon in her menu. Or, slop it around her drink. There are many ways in which you can make it a surprise. Once she sees the ring, make sure to pop the question!

Another way to go about surprising her is through anything but a romantic dinner. For example, if she reads novels, grab one of the ones that she has read, glue the pages together except for the center and then cut a small hole into the book, just big enough for the ring. Leave it on the nightstand or on her pillow.


Do you both love to visit the theater? If so, this can be the perfect place to propose. See if the theater will allow you to propose on stage. In fact, you may be able to get the actors and the manager in on it too. Ask them if there is a way that they can help you with the task at hand. Or, perhaps purchase some ad space in the program for that evening. Include your first name, her first name and a “Marry Me” question. Make sure to point it out if she doesn’t see it.


Visit your florist and ask them to tie the ring inside the bouquet, or do it yourself. Then, when you present them, make sure to tell her to look for the ring inside.

These are some special ways that you can make proposals just perfect for your special love. Valentine’s Day makes them that much more special!

Organising a hen weekend in london

The bright lights of London offer the ideal location for an exclusive hen party. From good food, to amazing sights, and a nightlife up there with the best in the world, London is a hen parties dream. Famous for the London Eye, the Tower of London, Big Ben, the Houses of Parliament, the ‘big smoke' London is steeped in history, yet is perhaps the most cosmopolitan city in the world and buzzes with an energy only otherwise seen in New York or Tokyo.

London Hen Nightlife:

London's nightlife is renowned as one of the most assorted and lively in the world. If you are considering restaurants, then London has a cuisine and budget for every taste and purse. The nightclubs go on until the early hours, and this is one place you genuinely can dance until dawn. From celebrity clubs for example China White's, and Cafe de Paris to the latest exclusive dance clubs for example Ministry, Pacha, Fabric and Cargo, your hen party will be literally spoilt for choice.

London Hen Activities:

London offers an extensive variety of activities, to make any hen party that little bit more special. You can learn pole dancing with a specialist instructor, get schooled in chocolate making, learn to salsa or burlesque or even practice some circus skills! For those that just wish to relax, there are Spa's galore, from all inclusive hotel complex's to the exclusive specialist Spa's for example the Sanctuary.

London Hen Accommodation:

With a population the size of London and its momentous tourism industry, as you would anticipate, accommodation is not a problem, and there is something to suit every taste and budget. London's main tourist period is in the summer months, so if you are wishing to book your hen party during this period, it is well recommended to book long in advance.

Making visitation easier for the kids

Switching between Mom's house and Dad's house can be difficult and stressful for children, but the manner that parents approach transition times can have a big impact on how children react. It is important for parents to realize that children have worries, concerns, hopes and fears about the divorce or separation, and times of visitation can often bring a lot of those concerns to the surface, especially if there is conflict between parents.

Research very clearly shows that the amount of conflict that children are exposed to before, during and after the divorce determines how well children will adjust to the divorce. If the conflict continues or gets worse during visitation times, or any other time, children are more likely to have emotional and behavioral problems. Children that see parents being civil and respectful of each other are more likely to feel loved, secure and safe and are less likely to have ongoing emotional or behavioral problems.

There are some strategies that parents can use to make visitation easier for children. Remember that the more strategies you use, the more beneficial it will be to your children.

1. Speak positively about the other parent and the time that children will spend with the other parent. For example " I know that you are going to have a great weekend with your Dad because he has special plans", is much more positive than "I know you don't want to go, but the court papers say you have too". In the first sample the child is clearly hearing that you know Dad is a fun person to be with, and has spent some time planning a great weekend.

2. Have the child ready to go on time, and be on time to pick-up the child or children. If you need the children to have a particular item, make sure you tell the other parent so they can be ready, rather than scrambling around at the last minute.

3. Avoid discussing any sensitive topics during the pick-up or drop-off of the kids. Make it short and positive, and don't be tempted to discuss problems or concerns at this time. Remember that this is a tough time for the children, and parent conflict or emotional tension will just make it worse.

4. Keep basic supplies at both houses. Avoid having to pack a suitcase for the children, rather have socks, underwear, pj's, shampoo, toothbrush, toothpaste, brushes and other personal items at both houses. This helps children understand that they have two homes, not just one home and a place to visit.

5. Avoid using the term "visitation" or "access" with your children. This is a court term, not a child-friendly phrase. Try saying "This is your weekend to spend time with Mom" rather than "This is Mom's visitation time".

6. Let the children know that they can call you to say goodnight or just to talk. Avoid calling over to the other parent's house as this can be seen as a sign of distrust. Rather allow the kids to call you, or perhaps arrange a time that you can phone over to say goodnight if the children are too young to use the phone.

Children love to spend time with both parents, and making visitation easier on the kids is one way that parents can begin to work together in their role as coparents to the children.

The in s and out s of orchestrating a stag weekend

Stag parties come in all shapes and sizes, and it's fair to say that no two stag weekends are ever the same (not that you would want them to be anyway!). That said, there's a common theme among great stag weekends - organisation and planning! The first step in planning is to collect a few ideas for the stag party, do your research and have a chat with the stag and any other key people who'll be attending the stag party for ideas. Have a search on google for "stag weekends" and it ought to bring you up a few sites with possible ideas.

The key things you need to consider when coordinating a stag party are: 1/. Where you'll be going, 2/.The type of accommodation you're after, 3/. The activities you would like to do during the day - e. g. go karting, paintballing, quad bike racing, clay pigeon shooting, 4/. What you would like to do in the night , for example clubs, pubs and restaurants and finally 5/. How you are going to stitch up the groom. Below are some ideas you may like to consider during the stag party coordinating process..........

Stag Party Ideas: Destinations

Well now, what do you fancy? Other than the obligatory drinking and ogling at the local ladies, do you fancy a beach stag party, or a town stag party? UK or abroad? Cultured or are you extra into a happening nightlife? Frequently the number of options can be totally bewildering, so it is a great idea to speak to a professional stag party organiser - there are loads out there but look for ones that don't look like they are run from a bedroom, and are members of the relevant association for example ABTA to ensure they are reputable. Some of the main companies are www. chillisauce. co. uk, www. stagweb. co. uk and www. weekendsbydesign. net, so have a look at those website and give one of their specialists a call.

Stag Party Ideas: Accommodation

First things first, are you searching for five star luxury, or ready to rough it in extra budget-friendly accommodation? Some hostels welcome stag weekends these days, going out of their way to provide destination information, 24 hour bars, no curfews and some great value dorm and private rooms. Check out the HostelBookers. co. uk free groups booking service for ideas on hostels and budget hotels in the UK. Alternatively you may wish to splash it up a bit and treat yourselves to a night or two somewhere plush - superbreak. com have a wide variety of stag party ideas for you with 4* & 5* accommodation in all Britain's significant stag party destinations.

Stag Party Activities:

No stag party is complete without some activities during the day. There is a significant amount out there and you ought to have a look at some of the stag party organiser websites mentioned above to gain some inspiration. It is recommend that you do something where all the group can compete together and get so know each other, so things like go karting, paintballing, clay pigeon shooting, and quad bike racing are ideal.

Stay Party Stitch Up's

Perhaps the most fun element of the stag party for all but the groom...the stag stitch up! Whether you're coordinating on shaving his eyebrows, to stripping him naked, locking him in a box and sending him first class to Siberia - the possibilities are endless and you'll have a great time dreaming them up!

Wedding insurance

Most people carry some form of insurance such as auto, medical, life, etc. Since the average cost of the more than 2 million weddings in the U. S. is over $20,000, wedding insurance can cover billions of dollars caused by damages. With so much money spent on weddings knowledgeable couples incorporate wedding insurance into their overall wedding planning strategy. Wedding insurance offers protection against something going wrong, the wedding being cancelled or postponed.

Wedding insurance allows for flexibility in coverage. Just to mention a few, policies may cover for cancellation, unforeseen expenses, wedding gown, video and photographs, jewelry, venue property, gifts, liability, medical expenses. Depending on the coverage wedding insurance can cost as little as a couple of hundred dollars.

Some of the most common items covered by wedding insurance are:

Jewelry: This coverage is designed to replace or repair damaged wedding rings.

Liability: If someone falls on the dance floor, it can cover some of the medical expenses. Some wedding reception venues may require such insurance in the contract. This policy can also help if someone of the wedding party damages equipment or furniture. Without this coverage you and your new spouse may find yourselves in court with one of your wedding guests.

Weather: Unfortunately, natural disasters have been part of our lives, and for the most part unavoidable in the future. This type of coverage is very much influenced by your geographical area.

Video and Photography: This coverage will help you to reunite the wedding party in an event when your photographer is a no show, or the photographs are defective or damaged, the negatives are lost, etc.

Service Providers: This coverage will help minimize the damage caused by vendors who fail to provide a contracted product or service, it can cover such as non-refundable deposits, and expenses occurred due to finding new vendors.

Although you can’t insure against a gloomy day, you can certainly insure against disasters such as hurricanes or fires. Wedding insurance can cover just about everything except for a change of heart. Disasters and mishaps will have their toll on your overall wedding experience, but you can minimize the long-term effects by obtaining wedding insurance.

Fiancee visa the key point of foreign marriage

What's the fiancee visa ? The fiancee visa is just like the identity card which can prove your Identity and status in one country.

If you want to marry with an foreign citizen and reside in this country , you must have the Fiancee Visa of this country. There are the different fiancee visa in different countries. For an instant, A citizen of a foreign country who would like to come to the United States to marry an American citizen and reside in the U. S. will have to obtain a K-1 visa. The K-1 visa is American Visa which can identity your status in American society.

Before you go to apply for the fiancee visa, you must ask for the fiancee visa guide which can make you know the whole procedure of getting the fiancee visa of one country.

Commonly, if you go to apply for the fiancee visa of one country, you should submit the petition first. Then, the people of consulate of that country will verify whether your are ineligibility. They will check whether you have any communicable disease, or dangerous physical or mental disorder as well as whether you are drug addicts or you have committed serious criminal acts and so on. If you have any illegal or dangerous acts, you will be considered as ineligibility. After you pass in this testing, The consular officer will ask you to submit some files, such as birth certificate, valid passport, Medical examination and so on..

The fiance visa is very important for your marriage and immigration. If you have no the fiancee visa, your immigration will become illegal act. If you immigrate to one foreign country and marry with the citizen but have no the fiancee visa, you will be arrested and punished by local government.

To be quite frank, the process of getting fiancee visa is very complicate, so sometimes, you should need a attorney and he will handle everything for you. Hiring an attorney to do this job, it has been become very very popular in recent years. Commonly, the applicant of fiancee visa is very anxious to get the approval and entry the foreign country soon, so if you hire an attorney, you can save much time and finish the job soon!

As above said, the fiancee visa is the key point of the marriage in foreign country. In the fast developing society of today, it is very important for people to masting the relative knowledge of getting the fiancee visa. Most people will meet this kind of question in his life. If you know this, you can handle this thing easily and successfully.

Generally, The process of getting fiancee visa is, mostly, a matter of getting your papers filled in correctly. Masting the correct and detail information of yourself and keeping all of your important file well will help you much in this course.

The revenge affair characteristics of the adulterer

"I Want to Get Back at Him/Her" is one of 6 kinds of affairs I outline in my E-book.

This is the "revenge affair." It occurs in a marriage in which one feels slighted in some manner and seeks revenge by engaging in an affair.

It is less a movement toward the other person and more a movement away from one’s spouse. The offending spouse usually lacks the skills of personal confrontation or is frightened by the prospect of someone "getting upset."

When evaluating this kind of affair, make a distinction between revenge and rage. Revenge is not rage. Rage comes from a different source, as outlined in one of the other kinds of affairs.

Here are some characteristics of the person who uses infidelity as revenge:

1. Usually is rather unpredictable and erratic in his behavior.

2. Has a hard time making decisions.

3. Is often impatient and irritable when things don’t go her way.

4. Some of the resentment seems to “seep out” along the edges, maybe when you least expect it.

5. Engages in teasing.

6. Can be stubborn and unyielding.

7. May often take oppositional view and pride himself on being contrary or taking an unpopular stance.

8. Can have moments of impulsive behavior and be labeled high-strung or tightly wired.

9. Has an underlying worldview that is pessimistic. Glass is half empty.

10. Has a tendency to wine or complain.

11. May have moments of sullenness and dejection.

12. Women may respond very intensely during their menstrual cycle. Men may appear very moody at certain times of the month.

13. Manipulates others with unpredictability and demandingness.

14. Family of origin often marked by factions and sibling rivalry.

15. Has difficulty with intimacy since her behavior patterns push people away.

If you are interested in learning about the 6 other forms of infidelity I outline in my book, "Break Free From the Affair," visit my website.

Can you save your marriage

How to save your marriage is not exactly the same for one person as it is the next. It's true that in most cases a marriage can be improved with a few simple steps, but the amount of improvement varies from marriage to marriage-check out these tips to help get your back on track...

How To Save Your Marriage 1

You need to get the communication back. Communication is usually one of the first things that dries up in a problematic marriage, and that in itself leads to a lot of other problems. To help you both communicate more effectively set aside a certain amount of time each day to share with each other. During that time, talk over your days and ask questions of each other. Find out what it is that made you want to communicate with each other to begin with. After a few days of doing this you should find your communication skills are beginning to come back for each other.

How To Save Your Marriage 2

Spend some quality time together. It's a little bit of a clichй, but a nice trip or a few days spent outside your usual relationship area can do wonders for you both. Even better, if you can make trips or activities like this a habit, as it will help you learn how to interact with each other in a fun and loving fashion again. These days it's all too easy to let our communications boil down to the bear minimum, so try not to let this happen.

How To Save Your Marriage 3

Brush up on your listening skills. Sometimes when you get to know someone so well, it's almost as if you feel you no longer need to engage them or listen to them in conversation. If you can become a better listener you can prove to your partner that you are engaged in their life and that you respect their opinions. Is there anyone that doesn't want that? Simply by starting and actively participating in conversations with them you will be strengthening your bond, and you'll notice your partner is more interested in you too.

How To Save Your Marriage 4

Don't let the finance ruin the romance. Life can be very tough when money is an issue in a marriage. Financial problems are often ongoing and unlikely to be solved in short order, so it's a great idea to develop a set of rules for you both. If you both abide to a pre-conceived idea about how you will take care of the finances, the problems and arguments should be minimized.

How To Save Your Marriage 5

Make it fun. A marriage should be in place due to the amount of fun you have had with each other at some point. If you've removed the fun and replaced it with the mundanity of everyday life, how can you possibly expect the marriage to survive? It's an excellent idea to have some activities or hobbies to get involved with together-these can very easily become “your” way to spend time and have fun with each other.

As you've seen, the answer to the question “how to save a marriage?” varies widely from relationship to relationship, but hopefully you will find something of use in this article. Check out the links below for some great marriage advice.

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